Wednesday, August 31, 2005

are we ready?

still on the subject "iyank', ada posting di blognya yg mnrt gw sangat, sangat, sangat touching. ini apparently bukan iyank sendiri yg nulis, tp org laen, dan dipost oleh iyank. i took the liberty of copying and pasting the post here. i shed a tear or two wkt baca post ini. dan perkataan2nya bener2 "dalem".


http://iyankonly.blogs.friendster.com/iyanks_blog/


Bandung, Sabtu, 20 Agustus 2005

Pertama kali gua merasa dekat dengan Edo,
lewat tatapan matanya, lewat mimiknya,
ewat sambutannya yang tak terucap, di sela-sela usahanya
untuk bernafas, dia tetap menyambut hangat orang yang menjenguknya.

Entah kenapa, gua langsung menyesal gak mengenalnya dekat selama ini.
Sejak saat itu namanya selalu ada dalam doa gua dan Andy,
kami berdoa untuk kesembuhannya
dan untuk kesempatan untuk bisa lebih dekat.

Jakarta, Kamis, 25 Agustus 2005 malam Iyank telepon bilang kalo
Edo udah gak ada, kita yang di rumah menangis.
Biasanya setiap gua mendengar orang meninggal, gua langsung
berdoa, "Tuhan, terima dia di sisiMu".

Tapi malam itu doa gua "Tuhan,
Tuhan bisa menghidupkan orang mati kan?
Beri kami mujizat, ijinkan Edo hidup lagi"
Itu doa gua, gak tau kenapa. Malam itu dalam perjalanan ke
Bandung gua tetap berdoa agar Edo hidup.

Di Cikampek, Iyank dapet kabar kalo Edo stabil lagi, dia kembali.
Ini pertama kalinya dalam perjalanan akhirnya dia drop.
Sampai Bandung, terlihat sekali Edo berjuang mengatasi sakitnya,
tetap menyambut orang yang datang dengan caranya.

Bandung , Jumat, 26 Agustus 2005 pk.08.00
Edo drop lagi untuk yang kedua kali.
kita yang ada di samping tempat
tidurnya gak henti-hentinya berdoa dan bernyanyi,
tiba-tiba dia stabil lagi,
dan seolah ingin memberitahu semua orang "ini, aku ada"
dengan mencoba membuka matanya.

Jumat siang, Edo dipindahkan ke RS. Barromeus.
Secercah harapan baru karena alat-alatnya lebih canggih
dan jumat sore Edo dioperasi, lehernya
dibolongin untuk membantunya bernafas.

Jumat pk. 17.30 Edo drop lagi untuk ketiga kalinya.
1 jam dokter dan suster berusaha memompa jantungnya.
Kehendak Tuhan terlaksana : “Edo pulang ke rumah Bapa.”

Gua gak tau apa yang harus gua ucapkan,
karena selama 20 jam bergumul
dalam doa sejak kamis malam mendengar Edo
gak ada, doa yang gw ucapkan selalu,
"Tuhan, sembuhkan Edo, beri mujizatMu."
Pertama kalinya dalam hidup gua merasa doa gua dijawab Tuhan
dengan "tidak". Gua marah sama Tuhan.
Kenapa Tuhan gak beri gua kesempatan mengenal
Edo lebih dekat.

Tapi setelah sabtu gua di rumah, gua menangis sambil merenung,
gua temukan jawabnya :
Biasanya setiap gua berdoa gua selalu mengakhiri
permohonan gua dengan
"tapi Tuhan, bukan kehendakku yang terjadi, melainkan kehendakMu."
Tapi sejak gua berdoa untuk Edo, gua gak pernah ucapkan kalimat itu,
gua memaksa Tuhan untuk melaksanakan kehendak gua,
biar Edo sembuh, masih bisa dekat keluarganya dan Iyank,
dan gua bisa mengenal dia. Gua sadar,
ketika kita tidak berserah pada kehendak Tuhan, rasa frustasi
karena gagal menjadi penghancur terbesar dalam hidup kita.

Puji Tuhan, DIA segera menyadarkan gua,
ditambah lagi dengan kesaksian mamanya Edo
yang sama dengan yang gua alami, dan mamanya Edo
terang-terangan meminta ampun
kepada Tuhan karena tidak berserah,
karena memaksakan mujizat datang.

Padahal apa sih mujizat itu? Hanya kesembuhan? Ternyata bukan.
Kelahiran dan kematian ternyata bagian dari mujizat Tuhan. Gua pernah
nonton video kedokteran ttg terjadinya anak, sungguh ajaib, kalo bukan
tangan Tuhan yang bekerja gak akan pernah ada seorang bayi lahir.
Kayak gua dan mbak Budi, sesering apapun kita melakukan usaha, kalau
Tuhan belum bilang "ya" pembuahan gak akan pernah terjadi, walaupun
seluruh teori kedokteran sudah dipakai.

Begitu juga kematian.
Usus, ati, jantung, paru-paru, semua yang ada di dalam tubuh bisa
dikeluarkan dari tubuh manusia, tapi roh, bagaimana cari
mengeluarkannya? Gak ada yang bisa, kecuali Tuhan.
Jadi sebenarnya Tuhan menjawab doa gua ya?
Saat terakhir Edo drop, seluruh teman-teman gerejanya berdoa bergandeng
tangan, karena gua duduknya jauh, gua hanya menggandeng tangan Andy
sambil bernyanyi "curahkanlah kuasaMu Tuhan, mujizat terjadi di tempat
ini, curahkanlah kuasaMu Tuhan, mujizat terjadi sekarang ini".
Tuhan menjawab, mujizat itu terjadi, kesembuhan datang bersama kematian
tubuh. Edo pulang ke rumah Bapa.

Iyank menangis, itu manusiawi. Jangankan dia, gua pun menangis, semua
menangis. Iyank bilang banyak yang keinginan Edo yang belum terwujud.
Gua pun sedih berpikir demikian.
Tapi terus gua inget cerita tentang kematian Musa (Ul.34).
Udah 40 th (bener ya 40 th?) Musa memimpin bangsa Israel menuju tanah
terjanji. Cape-cape dia berjuang mengatasi segala rintangan, tapi apa
dia sampai ke tanah terjanji?
Gak. Ketika sudah hampir sampai, ketika tanah terjanji sudah terlihat dari
jauh, Tuhan bilang "Inilah negeri yang kujanjikan dengan
sumpah kepada Abraham, Ishak dan Yakub;
dengan demikian : Kepada keturunanMulah akan kuberikan
negeri ini. Aku mengijinkan engkau melihatnya dengan matamu sendiri,
tetapi engkau tidak akan menyeberang ke sana" (Ul. 34:4)
Dari awal Musa gak tau kalo dia hanya akan sampai di situ, hanya boleh
memandang negeri terjanji itu. Tapi dia gak marah sama Tuhan dengan
bilang "ah Tuhan sih gak bilang, kalo tau cuma sampe sini mah aku gak
mau cape-cape berjuang". Tapi dia menurut kehendak Tuhan.
Musa mati bukan karena sakit, walau umurnya 120th, tapi masih sehat,
masih segar bugar, tapi Tuhan mau dia pulang karena tugasnya sudah
selesai. Sebelum mati Tuhan menuntun Musa untuk memilih penggantinya,
Yosua. Dia tumpangkan tangan ke Yosua sebagai berkat bahwa
Yosua akan menjadi penerusnya.
Gua jadi berpikir, pasti Edo saat itu juga tumpang tangan ke orang yang
belum kita tahu sekarang untuk menggantikan tugasnya menjaga mamanya,
menjaga ka ute, menjaga mazda, menjaga iyank, calon suami ka ute, calon
suami mazda (mungkin icong), dan calon suami iyank.
Kita aja yang belum bisa melihatnya sekarang.

Tugas Musa selesai sampai di gerbang kota terjanji. Mungkin secara
manusiawi kita bilang, "kasihan amat, cape-cape berjuang gak boleh ikut
masuk" Tapi itulah orang-orang yang upahnya besar di surga. Dia rela
mengesampingkan keinginan duniawinya yang mungkin masih banyak, untuk
menanggapi panggilan Allah, "pulang ke KerajaanNya", karena di
sana pasti lebih indah dari keinginan-keinginan kita di dunia.

Gak cuma panggilan untuk pulang aja sebenarnya, keinginan ketika kita
masih hidup juga, kalo kita berani mengesampingkan keinginan kita untuk
menyenangkan hati Tuhan, pasti upah kita besar di surga nantinya.

Bapak juga sempet bilang, "kasihan, masih muda udah gak ada". Gua
pikir-pikir, bukannya yang kasihan kita? Edo umur 29th sudah selesai
mengerjakan semua PR yang Tuhan beri. Sedangkan kita, PR kita masih
teramat banyak, mungkin kita yang kasihan, karena bebal, gak selesai-
selesai mengerjakan PR dari Tuhan.

Minggu lalu ketika Edo tersenyum dibalik masker oksigennya, tiba-tiba
dia mengisi hati gua dengan sebuah kebaikan. Gua sadar, gua sering gak
ramah sama orang, Tapi setelah hari itu, gua mau mencoba
ramah sama siapa pun. Ketika gua bertemu dengan orang
yang biasanya gua enggan untuk bertegur sapa,
mulai saat itu, gua tegur dengan rapah (dan tulus juga lho, gak basa-basi).
Dan gua merasa Tuhan Yesus dan edo di sana bilang
"ya, begitu nda, bagus."

Edo tuh bener-bener kaya para nabi, seperti Musa dan juga Ayub yang
sakit tapi ketika dibujuk untuk meninggalkan Tuhan di gak mau, dia tetap
setia pada Tuhan ditengah sakitnya (Ayub 2:1-10)

Kata Andy, kepergian Edo bener-bener jadi pelajaran berharga bagi kita.
Siap gak kita seperti Edo saat nanti Tuhan memanggil kita.
Edo pergi bener-bener siap. 3 minggu di rumah sakit, pasti menjadikan
dia lebih dekat dengan keluarga dan Tuhan.
Dia bener-bener sudah berdamai dengan
keluarga dan Tuhan ketika berangkat ke surga.
Siap gak kita kayak dia, kalau-kalau kita secara mendadak dipanggil?

Melihat saat-saat terakhir hidup Edo, gua seperti melihat perjalanan
salib Tuhan Yesus. Ditengah kesakitannya dia tetap sadar. Baru kali ini
gua melihat orang separah Edo tapi tetap sadar dan pikirannya tetap
sehat, terus mendekati saatnya dia bilang "aku haus"
Sebelum pergi pun dia drop 3 kali.
Akhirnya dia pulang, diusia muda, sama seperti Tuhan (muda Edo 4 th).
Hari dia pulang itu hari Jumat, sama seperti kepergian Tuhan.
Dikuburkan hari Minggu, saat yang sama juga dengan kebangkitan Tuhan.
Dan gua percaya saat jasadnya tertanam, rohnya diangkat Tuhan ke surga.

Dan saat penguburannya indah banget, Roh Kudus datang dalam rupa angin
pada moment-moment tertentu upacara pemakamannya.

Kepergian edo juga mengingatkan gua bahwa bila umur gua lebih panjang,
gua akan kehilangan 10 org yang gua kasihi, Andy, bapak, ibu, mbak
anjar, mbak budi, iyank, bang Janri, mas edi, ryssa, ryan.
Edo mempersiapkan gua untuk itu.

Saat gua atau kalian mati pun, apakah nanti kita sudah punya cukup
waktu bersama?

Gua selalu ingin dekat sama kalian semua. Gua ingin kita menjadi lebih
baik, biar Tuhan Yesus dan Edo di sana tersenyum dan bilang "ya, bagus,
begitu terus, berjuang terus agar kita semua berkumpul kembali di
kerajaan Allah"

Gua sayang kalian semua.
Terima kasih Malaikat Edo.

Posted by 'Iyank' JustAGirl

Death. Inescapable.

(posted by email) On the other hand, ada 1 temen gw di friendster, namanya iyank. She's just lost her boyfriend. Dia sedih banget I feel sorry for her. Di profil dia di fs, ada foto dia & jenazah conya. Gw mrinding banget liatnya. Hal spt ini yg gw gak mo terjadi ke pacar gw (if i ever get one, that is), & keluarga gw. Bikin org lain sedih. Now, i still believe i'll die young. And soon. Why? Because i'm a violent person. Gw gampang marah. Dan gw udah bbrp kali ada dlm situasi yg cukup panas. I can get killed. Dan jg, i'm kinda sub-consciously hoping i'll catch cancer or something. Sad. But, on the other hand, i'm very curious to know how people will react when they hear my dying. Org akan ketauan popularitas sebenarnya ketika dia meninggal. Not that i'm worried about my popularity, though.

I'm so happy

(posted by email) Yay! Artikel pertama gw yg msk mjlh di thn 2005! Dan bukan di infokomputer pula. Di animonster! Yaah, bkn artikel beneran sih. Advertorial. Ttg intel pentium extreme edition. Tp gw yg tulis. Hehehe... I'm so proud of myself!

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

*yawn*

(posted by email) Gw capek. Capek banget! Kyknya pengen tidur & gak bangun2 lg. Aneh. Pdhl td di ktr gak repot2 amat.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

back in aksara!

ini kedua kalinya gw nongkrong di wifi, dgn notebook gw (what a scary thought, eh?) aneh nih, sepi banget. gw emang gak pernah ke sini klo hari minggu. tapi seinget gw, donny (ipar gw) pernah blg klo hari minggu ini ramenya amit2. but here i am, at the exact same spot (di pojok deket tembok & dapur, soalnya di bawah kursi ada colokan listrik), with noone but the waiters/waitresses. tadi ada sih bbrp org, tapi mrk cuma makan bentar terus cabut. kinda creepy. and brings back those memories again...

seperti biasa, gw ke sini klo ada butuhnya doank, yaitu: update2 software. drpd download pake dialup cbn, which is slow, ato starone/im3, which is fast, tapi mahal, ya mending gw ke sini khan. hehehe... dasar pelit!

hari ini curiously enough internetnya rada slow. mgkn di atas byk yg pake ya, assuming cafe/rest yg di atas jg nyediain wifi. tapi namanya jg gratisan, gak bisa protes lah.

Friday, August 26, 2005

wow!!

ternyata obat yg dikasih dokter gw itu (baca blog gw tgl 24 agustus: "plin-plan") is really strong. 5 hari gw minum antibiotik "biasa", bengkak di kaki gw ya gitu2 aja. obat yg dia kasih, gw baru minum 1, ehhhhh bengkak di kaki gw lgs pecah. ckckck... really, really, really strong! efek jeleknya ya sprei & sarung bantal gw lgs penuh darah gitu, tp plg gak kaki gw gak sesakit kmrn2. *phew*

Thursday, August 25, 2005

tapi belom mati!

wah! yathi baru aja kecolongan di kos. dompet, hp, bahkan ALKITAB digondol! dan seremnya, semua itu diambil di kamarnya wkt dia lg tidur, di kamarnya itu! omigod... luckily cuma barang2 yg ilang. gw mrinding mikirin the bad possibilities. she's very, very lucky.

gw blg, moga2 perampoknya ditabrak bis. tapi belom mati. terus dilindes mobil. tapi belom mati. terus dilindes motor trail. tapi belom mati. terus dilindes mobil lagi sampe mental ke got. tapi belom mati. gotnya penuh dgn air2 hitam yg beracun. tapi belom mati. banjir. tapi belom mati. anyut. tapi belom mati. terus sampe ke tempat penampungan limbah di deket kuningan. tapi belom mati. ngambang 5 hari. tapi belom mati. terus penampungan limbahnya dikuras. tapi belom mati. dia ngendep di dasar 5 hari lagi. tapi belom mati. terus digigitin anjing2 iseng. tapi belom mati. sunburn. tapi belom mati. terus ditangkep polisi. tapi belom mati. dipenjara. tapi belom mati. disodomi polisi2 homo. tapi belom mati. dihukum mati. ya akhirnya mati lah.

hahaha... sadis banget ya gw? eniwei, just glad that she's physically okay. ketawa itu kyknya lmyn ampuh utk nglupain sedih ato pengalaman buruk. yg gw gak abis pikir, ngapain pula sih tuh perampok ngambil alkitab?? mo meriksa kali ya, ngrampok itu dosa apa gak? religious thief. hmmm... kok gw mendadak dapet ide utk satu cerita ya... menarik... tapi di akhir cerita, gw mo perampoknya gak mati, padahal abis ketabrak bis *teteppppppppppppp*

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

plin-plan

gw rasanya capek banget. mind & body. tp gw seneng. more than anything. mgkn gara2 tadi abis chatting. dan sms. ngomongin macem2. dan kayaknya blogger lagi ikut seneng sama gw, soalnya tumben banget kali ini lmyn cepet aksesnya. hehehe... plg gak, ada hal yg bisa ngalihin perhatian gw gak cuma utk mikirin kantor (yg kyknya makin lama makin aneh & ngeselin), kerjaan (see my previous post), dan kaki gw.

maka itu pula kyknya gw bakal jadi org plin-plan ("bakal"?!?! kyknya emang dari dulu plin-plan deh!! *suara protes*), soalnya gw mutusin utk balik lagi ke jalan yg benar... euh... balik ke plan semua. ini gara2 rianti jg sih. huuuuhhhh... *bcanda, ri! =P*

soal kaki, tadi gw ke dokter. di deket blok m. begitu masuk, ternyata dokternya udah tua. dan di kursi roda. laki-laki. orgnya rada aneh. tapi lmyn lucu. uniknya, wkt nyokap tanya kapan musti balik ke dia, dokternya blg gak usah balik. soalnya bakal sembuh. dijamin, dia blg. hueeeebaaaattttttt!!! now let's see if his prescribed medicines really do wonder. hehehe...

Monday, August 22, 2005

Old?

(posted by email) Children. Why would i want them? Lotsa headaches. My experience with my niece & the psgp event are two proofs. But then Rianti reminded me: who's going to take care of you when you're old? Gee... Never thought of that. I always think i'll die young, so the prospect of living old has never entered my mind. But let's just assume Rianti was right, and i'll die old. Yikes! What a scary thought! Hmph... Does this mean i've been wrong all alone? I really don't know. And current situations are preventing me from thinking about that matter for long. I've been busy, and i'll get VERY, VERY busy these coming week. I've already skipped tonight's psgp just to get some rest. I think i've been pushing my body too hard. *sigh*

Friday, August 19, 2005

pictures, pictures

posting thru blogger's website is really a pain in the you-know-what. don't understand what takes it so long to load the "post" page.

anyways. thought i should share some pics i took from the event. and here they are:


these two girls are blind, i believe. and yet, their talents in singing are way beyond mine. no, i'm not being modest. seriously. when you think that they can't see or read the songs ("normally", i might add, even though they can technically, using braille), it's so amazing. i'm nothing compared to them. and when they sang, i must admit i shed a tear or two. only a mindless person wouldn't be touched when these girls sing. and when they were done, i gave them a standing ovation. heck, i'm having goosebumps typing this down, remembering the event.


these kids were my charges during the games. the games were coloring, puzzle, and collecting balloons. and they didn't seem much like intellectually-challenged kids when they did those games. no. i saw them as normal kids, having fun.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Strange...

(posted by email) Whew! Uploaded all 32 pics i took from yesterday's event. From home. And with dial-up. Took almost 2 hours. Dunno why i insisted myself to do that. Strange...

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Acting the part

(posted by email) I've said on my earlier post that i didn't enjoy the event. Did i? Yathi said i looked happy with the kids. She said, "Tp gw liat lo kaka' yg baik deh td phen. G gak tau itu emang lo suka sm tuh anak2 atw lo skdr brusha mnjlnkan peran lo dg sebaik2nya, tp klu emang bner itu cm skdr berperan, lo sangat brhsl." Uplifting words, indeed. Now, is she correct? Was i pretending? Was i trying to be something i wasn't? Don't think so. I was given a task, and i tried my best to do it. And do it right. That's why i'm so tired now. Working at something you don't like is harder, because you don't enjoy it.

I'm now questioning myself: why the hell did i bother to be involved in the event? Maybe because it was a psgp event. But i think, really, it was because "the girl" asked me. And being "in a crush" as i was, i jumped at the opportunity. To impress her, maybe? Dunno... *sigh* And now here i am, feeling tired and empty.

Oh well. At least yathi got some nice words for me: "Tp apa yg lo kerjain dg baik & dg kesel trnyata jd berkat buat org lain."

Abort confirmed

(posted by email) The psgp program left a bad taste in my mouth. I'm just awful at interacting with children. No, that's not correct. I'm not awful. I hate interacting with children. That's why i chose to sing and join psgp instead of PA or PT. So, i was miserable the whole day. Sure, i laughed, sang, and did other things, but my heart wasn't in it. And when it was over, i couldn't wait to go home as soon as possible. Sorry, God.

That brings me to "the girl". I think she enjoyed doing the program. Good for her. Not good for me. I see "potential clashes". Arguments. Heated discussions. Headache all over again. It's not possible. So, i've made a decision to "abort" my crush. It's simple.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Deja vu all over again

(posted by email) Had dinner with yathie. We talked a lot. And the topic was psgp. Despite what i said earlier in this blog, i love and care about psgp so much i just can't ignore there are problems with the choir. And what worries me is those are the same problems we had before i left. Geez... I'm speechless. What problems? Politics! Motivation! "Worldly" concepts, if you ask me. Come on, people! We're a church organization, for God's sake (no pun intended). There should be no politics. We're SERVING God together. Why must there be politics? And motivation. There should be only one motivation: serving God. That's it. I may not be a good christian, i must admit, but i do know what my purpose is (and was, and has been) when i'm with psgp.

Anyway, yathie pointed out that people like me, her, and others who do care about psgp should voice our concerns out. Oh, i'd love to. But where? When i was in the bulletin, i could write something. But now? *sigh*

Why i always come back to psgp? Because it's my calling. Now, what is your calling?

Monday, August 15, 2005

The boring side of me

(posted by email) I like singing. No, make that: i love singing. But i HATE dancing. And i don't like to sing with... how is it called... movements? Yeah. Basically i'm a boring person. I stand still when i sing. So sue me. That's why i hated this night's session. Because we'll have to sing AND dance on august 17. Damn it! I may have re-entered psgp too soon.

All those rehearsals and lotsa announcements were all added up, and we finished at 10h05. Omigod. So late! Well, i maybe a little bit subjective here, since i didn't enjoy it. Anyway, after we finished, nola (or the FASHION DESIGNER as i called her in my old blog) prepared some snacks because she celebrated her bday last week. I didn't bother to stay and eat. Instead, i went straight away, and a taxi was conveniently waiting. And here i am. Now, the question is: would i stay and eat if it was someone else? Not likely. In this case, i was too tired already. Would i stay if THE GIRL asked me to? Now that's hard to answer. Hahaha... Probably not, but i'd tell her my reason and said sorry, which i didn't in nola's case. Hehehe...

On a different note, there's been some changes at the office. BAWANG's authority is cut, and Didin is now a deputy manager. That's quite a relief. What i'm still not satisfied until BAWANG leaves for good.

Damn. I'm so full of rants tonight or what?

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Connecting...

(posted by email) This is a small, small world afterall. I mean it. I just came back from a wedding of a work colleague of mine. There, i met so many old friends who have been out of touch for a very long time! So many of us are actually connected thru unexpected people. Damn! I still can't believe it. Wedding parties usually bored me to death, but not this one.

Removable skin

(Posted by email) Ouch! Ouch! I got hurt easily, nowadays. Physically, i mean. It's my skin. There are wounds all over my body. Notably on my legs and arms. It's the stings that bothers me, not the way my skin appears. Like last night, for example. I was in the reunion when i felt something strange on my right elbow. It turned out a small area of my skin was coming off. Geez... So easily. I guess i was lucky it didn't bleed. What a delicate skin i have.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

For the beauty of the earth

By John Rutter

For the beauty of the earth. For the beauty of the skies. For the love which from our birth. Over and around us lies, over and around us lies. Lord of all, to Thee we raise this our joyful hymn of praise.

For the beauty of each hour. Of the day and of the night. Hill and vale, and tree and flower. Sun and moon and stars of light. Sun and moon and stars of light. Lord of all, to Thee we raise this our joyful hymn of praise.

For the joy of human love. Brother, sister, parent, child. Friends on earth, and friends above. For all gentle thoughts and mild, for all gentle thoughts and mild. Lord of all, to Thee we raise this our joyful hymn of praise.

For each perfect gift of Thine. To our race so freely given. Graces human and divine. Flowers of earth and buds of heaven, flowers of earth and buds of heaven. Lord of all, to Thee we raise this our joyful hymn of praise. This our joyful hymn of praise.

ABORT! ABORT!

(posted by email) I'm having SERIOUS doubt about my current crush. Very SERIOUS. And there's a BIG probability for me to abort this crush. My logics are taking control of my mind, beating my emotions.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Yawn...

(posted by email) Wow. I slept like a pig (or whatever animal usually used when you sleep for a long time). And here i am, 4h30 in the morning. I didn't know sleeping needs breaks! Hahaha... So i woke up at 3h, feeling thirsty, and went down for a glass of water. Naturally, i was refreshed up a bit, so i couldn't go back to sleep right away. Thank God i now have a laptop. So i went online, and it was friendster time! *oo what else lah?!* Checked bulletin boards, came across a couple of funny ones, and also gave a testimonial for dipsy. Then i got bored, and turned to my trusted ngage to write this blog.

Thinking of what i'm going to do today, i'm blank. Sure, the usual stuff like daily reports, summary, and all. But i think i'm missing a big one. Oh well. Going to check my ARs at the office.

Speaking of the office, i was a total wreck yesterday. With only 2 hours of sleep after doing the monthly report (that explains why i slept so long just now), and more reports during the day. I was so out of it, i had to revise & resend one particular report 5 times! What a shame. Thankfully i didn't miss any deadlines. Considering that i was practically alone in doing those reports (renya, the account executive, was absent) & the condition i was in, i'm quite proud of myself. Thanks, but no applause please, just throw the money. Hahaha...

Sunday, August 07, 2005

i'm the luckiest person in the world

(posted by email) A sulking parent! Can't believe my luck. I'm very lucky. Everybody will be very envious.

Saturday, August 06, 2005

Awww...

(posted by email) Chatted with rianti a few days back. It was about "the girl". She was very excited, the very same reaction my other friend had. Strange. Is the prospect of me having a crush so out of this world? Hahaha...

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Canada, here she comes!

(posted by email) I skipped psgp last night to meet amel. And that meant i didn't get to see "the girl". But it was ok lah, since amel is going to canada next week for about 1.5 month. And of course, i wanted to hear new, juicy gossips! Hahaha...

There was one hot gossip, involving one of my friend. Can't give details, unfortunately. Not yet.

We didn't chat for long, though, because she still had lots to do.

Happy traveling, mel!

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

There's this girl...

(posted by email) Got an sms this morning when i turned my mobile on. It was from her. Her. The one girl who's been in my mind since day one. And that was less than 2 weeks ago. Anyways, she asked whether i'd come to the psgp's social program on august 17. I said i'd probably come.

Boy, was i glad when i received that sms.

Now, i'm not sure yet if i'm having a crush on her, but being around her certainly made me happier than normal. There's one potential obstacle, though: she's older than me. That's a MAJOR obstacle. Hmph...

And tomorrow i probably am not going to see her since i'll have an appointment with amel at ps. Oh well. There's always next wednesday.