Thursday, December 29, 2005

persistent headache

mgkn gw yg lagi capek, headache (persistent one, been having it since 98) gw kok rasanya makin parah aja ya. supposedly my head is ok, after the bangs it took in my accident. dulu udah discan, darah yg tadinya ngumpul, udah drained semua. lagian gw jg every week day minum teh ijo, so cancer can be ruled out. can't it?

hahaha... sesuai dgn tema gw yg lagi "positif", ini artinya gw musti konsentrasi aja utk setiap hal yg gw lakuin. gak boleh idle. soalnya klo idle, pasti sakit kepalanya lgs kerasa. jadi, gw gak boleh males2an nih.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

reliving my past (blogs)

gw lagi ngerip cd2 gospel dari debby/dips. rada banyak & rada lama. gw musti konek ke internet, utk download judul2 tracknya.

mumpung konek, gw sekalian aja ngebaca blog gw ini dari sejak pertama kali gw bikin. dan wow! dalam 1 thn lebih, udah banyak ya cerita2 gw. sebagian malah ada yg udah gw lupain. ckckck... it's like having a flashback. it's good to have memories, bad and good. some bring smiles, some bring tears, and some bring grins. yg bikin gw bersyukur adalah ternyata kehidupan gw gak lurus2 aja. there's been ups and downs. dan itu yg ngebikin hidup lebih exciting, isn't it?

tadi sore gw maen bowling di pasaraya sama tirza & sepupunya. spt dulu, lagi2 gw kalah. kyknya i've lost my touch ya. hehehe... tirza blg ke gw, walaupun blog2 gw akhir2 ini isinya mellow, tapi buat dia asik2 aja, soalnya mostly are positive. well, thanks, cha! gw emang skrg2 selalu mencoba utk positif kok.

omong2 soal positif, saat ini gw udah ngambil keputusan utk stick dgn psgp. biarpun ada tawaran2 utk gabung ps effatha, dan ada godaan2 lain, gw pikir gw harus ngebelain psgp, soalnya skrg2 ini sptnya psgp needs support. lotsa supports! dan sapa lagi yg bisa ngebela psgp, klo bukan org2 spt gw. dgn sejarah gw yg cukup panjang dgn psgp (this is my 3rd stint), gw pny hubungan yg khusus dgn paduan suara ini, sebuah hubungan yg gak tergantung dgn individu2.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

a touching story

Deaf girl hears Jingle Bells for the first time
By Paul Stokes
(Filed: 23/12/2005)

Josie Caven, who was born deaf, will be able to hear Christmas carols for the first time after having cochlear implants in both ears.

Josie, 12, was previously able to distinguish only a few sounds through hearing aids which she has worn from the age of two.

She beamed with delight as she listened to Jingle Bells on the radio for the first time.

"It is so nice to hear music, especially Christmas carols," she said.

"I have asked mum and dad for an iPod so I can listen to the Black Eyed Peas."

Josie, who lives with her father Richard, 43, mother Teresa, 37, sister Olivia, 10, and brother Anthony, four, suffers wide vestibular aqueduct syndrome.

The condition, which Olivia also has, causes deafness through allowing an exchange of fluids that damages the inner ear. Mrs Caven, who runs the Old Station Inn, at Birstwith, near Harrogate, North Yorks, with her husband, said: "I have never seen Josie so happy.

"She heard Jingle Bells on the radio and when she looked up her face was a picture as she realised what she was listening to.

"She wants an iPod for Christmas. There is a wire which can go directly to the implants, so it will be like having her favourite music inside her head."

Four years ago Josie was provided with a digital hearing aid, allowing her to start mainstream lessons at St Aidan's Church of England School, Harrogate.

However, specialists found that her hearing was worsening in the summer and she was referred for the implants at Bradford Royal Infirmary.

Mrs Caven said: "She is having to learn what each new sound is and what it means. She will ask: 'Was that a door closing?'

"Being able to see her face light up as she takes in everything around her is all I could have asked for this Christmas."

cerita yang menarik dari news.telegraph. dan buat gw cukup mengharukan. especially the last para. what did i ask for Christmas this year? kyknya gak ada sih. gw gak ngarep apa2. but things i did these last few days can be considered as precious gifts. nyanyi di malam natal. ngobrol2 sama ajeng, tirza, debby, dan temen2 lain. jadi pengarah acara di natal effatha (so i could contribute something to the church, and ultimately, to God). sure, some were tiring (the pengarah acara thingy was very tiring, both mentally and physically). but the feelings, good feelings, were enough for me. new things were found, and old ones rediscovered. mirip spt cerita joice caven di atas. meskipun ada hal2 jelek yg jg gw alami, it'd be ungrateful not to be grateful. as i said before, i'm blessed. dan gw bakal makin seneng klo gw bisa bagi2 blessings yg gw dapet ke org2 lain. by whatever means.

on a side note, kmrn tirza bilang ke gw klo isi blog gw akhir2 ini mellow. dan gw kmrn masih blm sadar. tapi stlh gw baca2 lagi, ternyata emang iya ya. kyknya mental gw lg gak stabil nih. hehehe...

Monday, December 26, 2005

thanks, ajeng!

hari ini, setelah sekian lama gak ktemu, gw ktemu sama ajeng di ps. janjian utk makan siang. dan pergilah kita ke pizza hut. pizza hut di plaza senayan itu letaknya di dalem supermarket sogo. weird. pegawai2nya juga kyknya masih rada dodol gitu.

but eniwei, it wasn't important. gw & ajeng masih bisa ngobrol2 dgn santai, biarpun kadang2 terganggu suara mixer. ya gak jeng? *wink2*

ternyata banyak yg bisa diomongin, biarpun udah sering chat lewat ym ya. mulai dari gosip2 di ktr, gosip2 pribadi, gosip2 org laen *heh?!*, dan masalah keluarga, sampe ke masalah2 yg gak penting. saking banyaknya, waktu kita keluar dari pizza hut, udah jam 4 sore! so we were there for about 4 hours. hahaha...

the talk gave me a bit of different perspektif. biasanya gw klo ngobrol2 sampe sedeket itu cuma sama debby ato tirza. mereka berdua, more or less, shaped in a similar mould. pendapat2 yg gw dapet dr mrk jg more or less mirip. i'm not saying talking to them is bad, no i'm not. tapi it's kinda refreshing to get a different bird eye view on things. *jangan marah2 dulu, oma =P*

so where next, jeng? and when? tinggal bilang aja. khan katanya berikutnya gantian loe yg traktir. hehehe...

it's good to have very good friends. i'm blessed. very much blessed. thanks to you all, my dear friends! it'll be sad to leave you. and here's hoping i'll never have to leave.

so this is christmas...

honestly, natalan taon ini was a mixture of good and bad experience buat gw. let's start with the good ones first:

  • nyanyi di malam natal. rasanya udah lama banget gw gak nyanyi di malem natal, sama psgp. at least not in the last 2 years. it felt good, but somehow different. nanti ini bakal masuk ke bad jg.
  • more smses! kyknya taon ini gw dapet sms jauh lebih banyak dibanding taon lalu. dan tentunya gw jg kirim lebih banyak sih. hehehe

and here are the bad ones:
  • my parents. penting banget gak sih, brantem di hari natal over ridiculous things, heh?
  • debby. kasian nih si debby, gak bisa ngapa2in di hari natal. dan gw jadi kehilangan dia wkt malam natal kmrn.
  • nyanyi di malam natal. mgkn gw terlalu nostalgic ya, tapi psgp skrg kok kyknya beda sama dulu. it was fun, it was crazy. mgkn krn skrg udah beda generasi?
  • i was (and still am) lonely. yg ini aneh banget. biasanya gw gak ngerasa kesepian (gak di hari natal, gak di hari2 laen). tp knp taon ini beda ya?!?!
so, this is christmas. kok banyakan badnya dari goodnya ya? oh well, things can only get better from here. here's hoping next year will be better from me.

Sunday, December 25, 2005

MERRY CHRISTMAS

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!
SELAMAT HARI NATAL!!!!!

Friday, December 16, 2005

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RIANTI!!

Happy birthday buat salah 1 temen khusus gw: RIANTI SETIADARMA! Many happy returns (of investment, spt yg loe blg di sms, ri). hehehehe...

Thursday, December 15, 2005

I just saw my possible future...

Ladies and Gentlemen, let me introduce my uncle, Oom Adri, to you. This picture was taken today, at the service. His photo was a bit blurry, but it was still much better than what was inside the casket. You see, when my uncle was found at his home, it was estimated he'd been dead for at least 24 hours. So his body was already swollen here and there. I took another picture of him, on the slab, and I didn't recognize him at all. It was that bad.

I'm so much alike him, you know. We both like computers. We both like to sing, although we take a different route in singing. And we both have "Warouw" as our last names.

But what scares me the most is, he died alone. He was 79, but he wasn't married. Fortunately there were a lot of us, his family, so he was taken care of. Me, I don't want to get married. When I told Debby about Oom Adri, her reply was: "Tuh kan... Udah ada contohnya kan? Niat lo jd utk ga nikah?" Debby and I had a deep discussion about this before we went to Malaysia, and her words was realized in front of me when I saw Oom Adri's body. There, I saw myself, several years in the future, lying on the slab, swollen, alone. I had goosebumps, and I still do.

Some of my relatives pointed that very fact to me as well. Kak Nina. Kak Pinky. "Kamu mau meninggal sendirian kayak Oom Adri?" was all I got from them. I still don't know the answer.

But, at least, Oom Adri died while doing one of his favorite things. He was found sitted in front of his computer.

If I have to die, I'd like to die while doing one of my favorite things as well. For now, it'd be either while I was singing, or in front of my computer. That'd be the perfect death.

Oom Adri, rest in peace.

YET another death in the family!

ASTAGA!!ASTAGA!!ASTAGA!!ASTAGA!!ASTAGA!!ASTAGA!! tadi pagi ortu gw dapet telp. klo telp pagi2 gitu biasanya berita penting khan. and it was. Oom Adri meninggal! yet another member of my family. this one surprised me, since it was only 2 weeks ago that he went to lunch with us. gw harus gak ngantor hari ini, soalnya dia termasuk org yg penting buat gw.

Oom Adri is the ultimate geek. dia Warouw tertua dari sepupu2 terdekat bokap gw, dan lmyn gila komputer. we could discuss computer things for hours. dan dia demen banget nyanyi, apalagi rock & roll. and guess what: he wasn't married.

hmmm.. Warouw. geek. gila komputer. demen nyanyi. not married. sounds familiar... it's kinda like me, isn't it?!? ya ampun... mgkn gw udah sub-consciously model myself after him ya. but he wasn't a bad example. even in his 70something age, he could have fun, and enjoyed life.

*sigh* there goes my uncle yg suka nyanyi di acara keluarga, pake joget2 rock & roll. there goes my uncle yg suka nraktir2. there goes my uncle yg demen maen sindir2an sama ortu gw. there goes my uncle yg suka diskusi sama nyokap ttg obat2an.

Godspeed, Oom Adri. and God bless. God bless us all. RIP.

Monday, December 12, 2005

another death in the family

gw barusan dapet sms dari nyokap: Tante Rikje meninggal. OH NO!!! satu lagi keluarga gw yg orangnya lucu dan demen becanda... geez... what's going on here ya... kmrn Oma Els, skrg Tante Rikje... to be fair, Oma Els emang udah tua, dan Tante Rikje emang udah sakit dari bbrp wkt lalu. tapi tetap aja, i feel lost.

Strangely appropriate enough, gw lg pasang ipod, dan lagu yg sedang muter wkt gw nulis blog ini adalah "PEACE". ya, gw yakin Tante Rikje skrg udah merasa damai. not that she wasn't feeling peace when she was alive, tapi skrg dia gak usah mikirin penyakitnya lagi. anak2nya udah dewasa semua juga. cuma kasian si oom nih.

UPDATE: ibadah pelepasan besok, jam 2 siang. gw gak tau bisa dateng apa gak nih. ada upacara adat juga, soalnya si oom cukup kuat berpegang pada adat Bataknya.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Oma Els *RIP*


Oma Els. Ya, sebenernya bukan oma dalam arti yg sebenarnya, soalnya dia bukan mama dari bokap ato nyokap. Oma Els ini tante dari bokap. Secara bokap panggil dia tante, ya gw manggil dia oma gitu loh.

Oma Els ini orangnya lucu banget. Tiap ketemu dia (sayangnya, jarang), kita pasti bcanda2. Biarpun masih di dalem gedung gereja, kita bisa sampe lupa diri.

Gw inget ada kisah lucu. Waktu itu 1 tante gw meninggal, dan mo dibikinin acara pengucapan syukur. Nyokap telp si Oma Els ini utk kasih tau. Begitu dia sampe di tempat acara, pas liat nyokap, dia lgs nangis heboh. Kita heran, soalnya setau kita, dia gak deket2 banget sama tante yg meninggal itu. Ya udah, kita pikir, mgkn dia ternyata deket ya. Waktu makan malam, gw duduk di deket dia. Dia kaget. Terus dia tanya: "Ngana anak siapa??" Lho, gw gantian kaget, khan mustinya dia tau gw. Untung wkt itu ada bokap (ato nyokap, gw gak inget). Dan dijawab klo gw anak mrk. Nah, rupanya, dia salah ngerti wkt dapet kabar dari nyokap lwt telpon. Dia pikir gw yg meninggal! Makanya wkt msk tadi dia nangis di pelukan nyokap, soalnya dia pikir gw yg meninggal. Hehehe... Sejak itu, setiap kali kita ktemu, dia pasti nanya begini ke gw: "Nah, ngana masih hidup!" Dan kita pasti bakal ktawa heboh.

Gw bakal kehilangan kalimat tersebut, dan kehilangan tawa2 & canda2 Oma Els. Selamat jalan, oma. Rest in peace. You're with God already.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

"Mencari Tuhan"

Cogito ergo sum. I think, therefore I am. Saya berpikir, karena itu saya ada.

Manusia memang diberi kemampuan untuk berpikir. Kemampuan inilah yang membedakannya dari sebagian besar makhluk hidup lain, di luar binatang-binatang seperti lumba-lumba atau paus. Dan tentunya kita memang harus berpikir. Otak harus dilatih, supaya tidak tumpul.

Dalam perkembangannya, manusia seringkali menjadi terlalu banyak berpikir, dan logika menguasai segalanya. Segala sesuatu harus mengikuti aturan logika. Ya atau tidak. Benar atau salah. Hitam atau putih. Tidak ada abu-abu. Semua hal dipertanyakan. Dari yang paling sederhana, hingga (menurut saya) yang paling sulit: TUHAN. Apakah Tuhan itu ada? Kalau Tuhan itu ada, kenapa ada hal-hal yang (menurut pemikiran kita) tidak adil?

Pertanyaan-pertanyaan seperti di atas sudah pernah dilontarkan oleh filsuf-filsuf Yunani. Sehingga akhirnya timbullah Filsafat dan Logika. Sebagai orang yang pernah kuliah di Unika Atma Jaya, Filsafat dan Logika adalah dua mata kuliah yang pernah saya ambil, karena wajib. Kedua mata kuliah ini menarik, karena memberikan sudut pandang yang berbeda dari pelajaran agama, dan bahkan, jika ditilik secara serius, akan bertentangan dengan agama, dan Tuhan.

Tema "Mencari Tuhan" sudah lama diangkat, baik secara serius maupun secara fiksi. Star Trek, misalnya, sudah paling tidak dua kali memunculkan "makhluk" dengan kekuatan setara Tuhan (terjemahan bebas dari "God-like powers").

Bagi penganut agama, tentu saja Tuhan itu ada. Kita percaya. Itu sudah cukup. Malah mungkin pertanyaan "Apakah Tuhan itu ada?" bisa dianggap sebagai sebuah dosa. Mempertanyakan Tuhan. "Why God, why?" Saya rasa hampir semua orang yang bisa berpikir pernah mempertanyakannya. Misalnya ketika mereka tertimpa malapetaka, atau kejadian-kejadian yang menurutnya tidak adil atau tidak sepantasnya mereka terima. Tapi dari agama yang diajarkan kepada kita, seharusnya ada jawaban untuk semua pertanyaan tersebut. Masalahnya, untuk orang-orang "pemikir" ini, jawaban yang diambil berdasarkan agama seringkali tidak memuaskan, karena tidak bisa dilihat atau disentuh, atau tidak sesuai dengan logika. Mereka kemudian akan terus mencari dan mencari.

Topik ini saya angkat karena seorang teman bercerita tentang pacarnya yang ternyata termasuk ke dalam golongan "Agnostik". Agnostik ini mirip dengan Atheis, tapi mereka kadang-kadang masih bisa menerima anggapa tentang adanya Tuhan.

Setelah mendengar ceritanya, mau tidak mau saya berpikir: Apakah saya terlalu menggantungkan diri? Terlalu pasrah? "Ah, kalau saya memang sial, mungkin ini cobaan dari Tuhan." "Oh, rejeki ini datangnya dari Tuhan." Sementara si pacar teman ini selalu mempertanyakan hal-hal yang paling sederhana sekali pun. Apakah artinya kemampuan berpikir dia lebih tinggi dari saya?

Ah, tidak. Buat saya, masih ada hal-hal lain yang lebih penting yang perlu dipikirkan, daripada membuang-buang waktu untuk mempertanyakan Tuhan. Kembali ke mata pelajaran Filsafat dan Logika yang pernah sama ambil di Atma Jaya, kedua mata pelajaran tersebut tidak membuat saya mempertanyakan Tuhan. Justru saya tertarik dengan pemikiran-pemikiran Plato dan kawan-kawannya.

Saya berpikir. Saya ada. Dan menurut saya, Tuhan tidak memberikan kemampuan kita berpikir untuk mempertanyakan keberadaanNya, melainkan untuk melakukan yang terbaik yang bisa kita lakukan di dunia ini, untuk kebaikan diri kita.

Itu pendapat saya. Pendapat orang lain bisa berbeda. Whatever I may desire.

Monday, December 05, 2005

guys, how lucky you are...

dlm 2 hari ini gw ngobrol culup banyak dgn 2 temen baik gw, debby & tirza. dlm 2 kesempatan yg berbeda, of course. we talked about lotsa things. dan salah satu topik yg dibahas adalah ttg pacar. situasinya cukup menarik, krn gw pacar-less, dan kedua ladies ini "in a relationship" (friendster banget sih gw?!?!?!). dari pembicaraan2 tsb gw bisa simpulkan (dan mrk juga terang2an nyebut), klo mereka sayang (banget, malah) sama pacar2nya. isn't that romantic?

masalah apakah co2 mrk juga sayang banget sama mrk adalah hal yg buat gw gak terlalu penting. dan klo ternyata mrk gak sayang, hmmm... guys, you just don't realize how lucky and blessed you are. if ever you abandon those nice girls, expect me to come and knock some sense back into you! =D

terus terang aja, gw jadi rada sedih dan sirik. sepanjang pengalaman gw pacaran, kyknya gw blm dpt ce yg sayang ke gw, spt kedua temen gw itu kpd co2nya. some can argue that i was too "cuek" to realize, tapi pengalaman gw pacaran lebih banyak diisi dgn "memadamkan kebakaran", alias bujukin ce2 yg ngambeg mulu.

*sigh* knp gw jadi kesannya desperate gini sih ya?!?! OMG!

Saturday, December 03, 2005

sacrifices



someone is missing in the picture. who?? ME! ME! ME! yup. tirza ngundang psgp effatha, melalui gw, utk nyanyi di acara natal gki klasis jakarta 2, dan gw, sbg liaison, malah gak nyanyi. sebel. honestly, the few minutes of "let there be peace on earth", lagu yg dinyanyiin psgp, serasa lamaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa banget buat gw. sebel! sebel! sebel!

on a more positive note, i felt great there. suasananya enak. felt like home. dan, much to my own surprise, gw dengan mudahnya nyanyi dgn tepuk tangan. heh?!?! but really, the situation was very, very comfy for me. banyak ce2 cakep pula! hahahaha...

i jokingly told debby di sms: "mustinya gw stay longer ya." so maybe i should. maybe i should. hahaha...

topik refleksi acara tadi adalah "pengorbanan". dan utk ikut acara ini, pengorbanan gw lumayan banyak.
1. gw sampe gak salaman dgn yohan, yg tadi nikah.
2. gw sampe gak dateng ke nikahan 2 temen gw malem ini.
3. gw sampe rela utk duduk doank selama psgp nyanyi.

hehehe... bukannya mo sombong sih. tp gak logis aja donk klo gw gak dateng. tirza itu ngundangnya lwt gw, lah masa gw gak dtg, gara2 gw gak nyanyi. it's courtesy gitu loh. i make sacrifices from time to time. some i regret, some i don't.

but kudos to kompa kajadu. acaranya tadi kreatifitasnya cukup tinggi. two thumbs up for creativity. but thumbs down for fluidity. kantata bisa dibikin lebih baik dan lebih efisien, klo ps2/vg2 pengisi acara udah siap utk nyanyi begitu scene kelar, instead of ushers having to let them in AFTER each scene was done. knp gak disuruh masuk waktu scene mo kelar?

it's a lesson for me, utk acara natal jemaat effatha, soalnya gw bakal jadi program director. fluidity! efficiency!

Thursday, December 01, 2005

saying goodbye is never good

last night, i said goodbye to Yati, who'd be leaving for good to Palu. Unfortunately the occasion was ruined, thanks to the fashion designer. And we spent the night, with Debby, in hospital (with reinnese), pasaraya (looking for parker pens, jeans, and tickets), so we didn't have much time to talk about anything.

in the end, we went to starbucks, still trying to get her ticket. no luck, so she may have to go to airport and try to get a cancelled ticket. poor girl.

10pm the starbucks closed. away we went for taxi. i went to a different way, so i said goodbye there. i hugged her and kissed her cheeks. then she started to cry. oh no! fortunately Debby was there to comfort her. after that, both of them boarded the taxi and went. and i'm afraid i'm not going to see her for a long, long time. or, even worse, that was the last time.



now, yati is one "remnant", or should i say "link", to the old psgp, before i left for australia. she joined just before i left. so, when i rejoined psgp in 2001, she was one person i instantly recognized.

yati was my (and Ramses') favorite joke subject. and no matter how "cruel" we were, she'd just laugh. well, she acted angry from time to time, but as we didn't really mean to insult her, she played along. gosh, i'll miss those times greatly.

yati was also the one person i could talk to about anything. well, mainly psgp, though, since she was deeply involved. now i'll have noone to discuss about pgsp anymore.

ARRGGGGHHHH!! circumstances, circumstances.

well, kurniyati mathilda pusung, take good care of yourself ya. i'm missing you already. may your mom get well soon.